It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
