i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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