After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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