Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
