Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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