ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
