I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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