Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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