Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
