He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
