I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
