Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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