Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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