this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
