You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize