I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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