i already hear my dad disowning me
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
