My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
