Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
