Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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