can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
