i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize