I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
