Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
