Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
