I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
