So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
