Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
