Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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