i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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