Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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