remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
