Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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