I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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