I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
