just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
