my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
