community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We're too hungover to prance.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
