I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
