i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
