can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize