I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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