It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
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