y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
