smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
