be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
