I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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