i don't like sucking hair
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
