piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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