Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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