found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
