He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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