i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
