she was so not down for the gang bang
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize