No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
