I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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