I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
