The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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