overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
