i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
