just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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