after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
