wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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