I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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